Hip hop sorcerer



All ya wanna be gandolfs

Runnin from dragons

Chillin at tha hogwartz

Dungeon's Laggin

Your illusions are faded

Enchantments are abated

You wussies bout to get your wizardry-debbilitated



You'll wish you brought some friends,

My spells per day wont end

IIl break your sissy glasses Hope yo momma casts mend

evokin not readin,

Your hit points are depleting,

im about to give you rootypoots a magical beating,

My wand locked and loaded so you best just stay put,

so sucka break me off with that Loot,

Cause im a hip hop sorcerer



Now if I must Explain,

My magic's Arcane,

all your dedicated spells per day per slot are lame

Cause im ringin and cloakin, very well spoken

Whippin wizzies for a past time ,

now fill my bag of holdin

Your Spell resistance low, my DC's higher,

Youre questin for kobolds, Im binding outsiders,

Mow I summoning the Devil bet you wish that you could,

got im launchin fireballs at yer hood,



Im a hip hop sorcerer



Your barbarian's ragin, causin much destruction, but i got my player's hand book with blunt instructions

Step 1 magic missile

Step 2 says shoot

Step 3 roll damage

Step 4 says LOOT



My familiar's a shit'tzu, Ill bet your pet cant get you,

a bonus to your cuddle modifier like +2

cat's grace suppliments my natural reflex,

evard's enormous black tentacles got the ladies impressed

And if yall suckas arent willing, or able

To Pass some fuckin fortitude checks

Ill drink yo ass under the table

and Ill charm spell your wife next

Let me guess, I'll bet

You wanna step?

Come get checked

Because my,

otto's irresistable dance

got ladies takin a chance

and shakin them big butts

and guess what

Well, comin up next

my romantic somatic components

own it like sho' nuff opponents

Never really know what they can hope to expect when

My 22 charisma has all the tavern wenches, and every last princess

screamin out requests for some sorcerous Sex

To which I scandelously reply

"Oh heck yes"



At the afterparties other parties always wanna battle,

I cast power word "kill"

Cause I Aint about the prattle

The dungeon master cant do shit to save ya if ya Tattle

Youll soon see why you dont see suckas snitchin in seattle

My pvp aint nothin nice

You wanna step to me you best believe we rollin dice!

It's a fact that I bring the game too much Class,

Summon 1d10 hit dice of hoes

If I need some ass



Get wit this, i like the wicked witches wit the broom

Im all about the naughty evil wicked steppoon

Yo innkeep, best book me a room

As for the rest of you goons,

best step off soon

Ill rearrange your attributes

And sooth say your doom

If youre givin me thick lip

On the slick tip with one cantrip ill drop yo saga

And dip quick inna a chicken leg whip wit my bottom bitch baba iaga

So if ya wanna conflict, ya gonna get licked,

Left more derelict than a set o mermaids5 tits on a naga





I drew every beneficial card from the deck of many things,

got gary gygax's gold axe from a goblin king,

Micky mouse clean up tha house, while I'm questing

Solve tha riddle of the sphinx just by guessing

Not to brag, but my gift of gab that I have is a blessing



You think you got exalted deeds? Wizard please.

You simply can't be

Referring to these phony prestidigitations you call specialties

And where did you fruity frat bards get them magic degrees?

I wouldn't accredit them remedial wack new jack wikipedial community college cantrips with so much as a snack on a sandwich from arbys

And I'm a roast ya beef

I deign detect dem lies, you dare bluff check me

With them dummy diplomas from devry to certify them paltry charlatan chicaneries,

Don't try to out talk me, my silver tongue don't cease,

I could out fuck a fox with my fancy faux flow flatteries,

Because I'm known to be outrageously flirtatious,

bodaciously loquacious, and frankly uncannily chattery



it's almost effortless yes

I see ya swing so I cast blink and you miss this,

No, need to iron my skin since

in this instance,

the damage resistance

was superflous business

Cause you cant hit this, rollin like a stone

All mossy and listless, your fighter's near sighted and shiftless!

while your Monks, Bards, and Rangers wanna hate,

because their second rate,

Im go on and dictate a joke to tasha predicate

Some hideous laughter when she split her sides

and it buy me time

while i decide whether I should run and escape

or just stay mop you sorry suckas off my plate. It's your lucky day because im runnin late for my date

Wit a fine ass succubus, to drain these demonic nuts, if she stands me up, shucks,

i wont make a fuss

I can always flipp thru the book of vile darkness

To see what's up while I conjure a cutie pie construct or

a handy homonculus

To assist me whilst I masterbate,

Aint't it great? Oh what's this?

It's bigby's clenched fist

grippin my big dick,

What's up, you wanna LARP it?

Well If not ya'll better dip quick,

cause ill be done in a just a tick and I

got 3 more rounds of this shit,

Before he quit.

Best roll up some initiative.

When this disembodied magic hand drops this hood of a man,

you better run slick, just as fast you can,

cause just as soon as that dice land,

Clickity clockity clack!

Step back or get bitch slapped!

by bigby's big black backhand,

crapped your green tights like pimp smacked peter pan.

Send that ass flyin straigh back to never never never land.



Oh hell no.

I suppose you thought ya rogues could be sneakin about?

Creepin around in my hide out?!

Ninja please

You gotta know I'm gonna find out,

gotcha dumb ass scryed out, from like a mile out,

With little doubt my spellcraft

Zap that halfling and turn his midget ass inside out,

And if my spells run out,

hey hey I dont pout!

• I got scrolls like royce, versatile spell choice, charisma high enough to make a manticore get moist,

• But if ya party people hyphy like

and wanna fight,

• im the hip hop hater disintegrater with all tha hype

Harder than barkskin aint loud as my bite

So best get outta my sight,

• my magic always man enough to minimize your might,

• and I can throw these dice all night.



I can throw these dice all night.